Go ogle!

Why ogling is considered bad? I am all for personal freedom especially when it comes to personal space. I like the western convention of considering a stare something inappropriate. And when you accidentally get an eye contact, you give a formal smile. Extending this idea, the personal space of ladies shouldn’t be violated. And same goes for stares, especially when you try to make eye contact. But an ogle otherwise seems very natural to me. The sexual instinct in me feels that I need to gaze at a sight that gives me pleasure. It’s a natural feeling and it’s not hurting anyone. So how can this be a negative thing? There is of course a different kind of connotation – many a times I have heard women complaining that their looks are being judged. It sort of obligates them to put in extra effort to look good. The look becomes a deeper part of their identity than in case of man. But ogling a girl doesn’t obligate all other girls to become ogle-able at least not the only reason of obligation. If the girl feels good about herself by looking her best and getting all the attention then so be it. I think it’s incorrect to blame the male gaze for this. In case of men, there are similar instance. A good looking guy or a rich guy is stared more and given more attention. And a lot of men try to look their best. But it doesn’t change the identity part. But yes, it does create some confusion about identity when you are trying to be something which you are not naturally. But that’s a different topic altogether.

I remember reading about masturbation as a kid and how it was considered bad. The first reason of justification that article gave to masturbation is that simply everyone does it. Well, not everyone but a very high percentage indeed. Same goes for the male gaze – but yes, it shouldn’t border onto the infringement of individual freedom. In that respect – an undesirable eye contact is absolutely wrong and can’t be justified at all. I wonder if women hate male gaze and then how would they expect a man to express his liking in sexual way. Would they have us rather sniff them around like the dogs they love so much – or hate in other cases.

Another thing that comes in here is what is acceptable as per cultural norm. We need to constantly evaluate it as we have seen in the cases ranging from sati to gay. Besides, we also have a different attitude towards one of us and others. If you see a guy killing mosquitoes and deriving some pleasure from it, you wouldn’t react differently. But if same thing is done with a few human subjects we have a different ball game altogether.

In India there’s a different ball game altogether. With deep-rooted gender segregation, a lot of thing which are normal elsewhere is considered immoral here. For example there’s this whole physical contact business. If you get in physical contact with someone of opposite sex in public place either intentionally or unintentionally, it’s considered improper. The less interaction also means that there’s an inherent curiosity about bodies of other sex and gives rise to a whole set of problems. Then there’s communication. It just makes the whole business very tricky.

Of course there’s a limit to the gaze and there’s a way to do it – sometime you stare them and they know you’re being appreciated for looking pleasing. At other times, it’s simply creepy. Though the perception of gazer in female’s mind plays a large role in differentiation creepy from the natural flirts, there’s a limit I think which will mark overdoing it. You see many a times that a girl is being made conscious of her body. That I think would be sheer wrong – an invasion of privacy. The thumb rule is you can’t bother anyone just for your own pleasure. So if your gaze is making someone uncomfortable, then you’re being creepy. Else, just ogle on.